Back to Normal?

The other day Laura and I were talking about the idea of maybe getting back to normal.  We entertained the thought a few days prior to her surgery believing the news would result in a cancer free report, and then we could get back to normal.  

The more I thought I about the idea the more I wondered what "back to normal" really means.  

• Does it mean we are able to "get on with our lives?"  
• Does it mean we are able to "go back to the way it was before?"
• Does it mean we can "put this all behind us now?"
• Maybe it means we are finally "over this hurdle?"  

Over the past twenty some years of ministry I have heard more people use such expressions as they were walking through a challenging juncture in their lives.  It might have been a tragedy, a struggle in their marriage, a wrestle with an addiction, or deep and abiding sin issue they were working through.  All they wanted was to get over it or through it so they could get on with their life.   

Personally, I have realized how easy it would be to approach this journey as a process we have to get through.  And yet, what I am discovering is when you look at a moment of suffering as something you have to "get through" many times it never gets through you.  Basically, you end up jumping over a slew of hurdles, thankful each part is over so you can "get on with your life."  

Divine interruptions are not easily stepped over and forgotten.  Such moments forge in us a depth of faith that would have never existed without such a detour in life.  

Without a doubt, this momentary time of trouble has served to be a shaping time in my life.  To be honest, there have been times when I longed to have this phase over so we can get back to normal.  But what's really normal?  Normal has been changed because life has been altered.  

Normal is no more.  

Normal was last summer.  A healthy wife.  Kids off to camp.  My head into my work.  That was normal.  

And yet what I've realized is when life is "normal" I find myself taking much of it for granted.  I end up doing life, because I'm always getting on with my life.  I cruise through conversations, get my head bogged down in a task-driven mindset, and scurry through my day truly believing I accomplishing a lot, only to look back and wonder what all I really did.  That was what normal was last year.  

This year we have acquired a "new normal."  It's packed full of unexpected turns leaving us wondering what might be behind the next corner.  It's giving us a photo album of pictures from a year ago when so much was different, and at times leaving us longing a bit for a some of what we had back - again a longing for the normal.  

We were praying and hoping Laura's pathology report would reveal a full cancer free diagnosis.  This would mean the reconstruction phase would be our next target and then we could get this deal behind us.  But, again the Lord has another plan.  

Laura's tumor was gone!  We are praising God for such a report.  Her surgeon today told us the type of cancer Laura has does not always respond favorably to chemotherapy, but for Laura it did.  The 5 cm tumor was gone and there was no more cancer in the tissue!  However, two lymph nodes were positive.  This tells us there is a high probability the cancer was in more lymph nodes then we originally believed.  It also indicates radiation is the next course in the treatment plan, which in turn means final reconstruction will not happen until March or April of 2013.  A gentle reminder life is not getting back to normal as we had hoped. 

Trouble transforms us.  It either makes you bitter or better, but you have to decide in many ways which one it's going to be.  

If going through your trouble means getting "through it" so you can "get on" with your normal routine - then you are probably missing a glimpse of what the trouble can forge in your life.  Chances are you could be missing what really does matter as a result of such a detour the Lord has allowed to take you on.  

Our detour has convicted Laura and I to challenge our kids more with the truth of God's word.  We want the Word of God to become a "normal" tool our kids grab hold of when trouble comes their way. 

This past Sunday we spent some time around the table reading the parable of the sower from Mark 4.  We talked about the four paths the seed landed on - dry path, rocky path, weedy path and good soil.  Laura explained to the kids trouble is going to come into their lives. Jesus made it very clear trouble will come our way.  During trouble you can run from God or to God, and particularly to the truth and power of His word.  We explained during this time we are hanging onto the truth of God's word and the promises it reveals to us about His character, and purposes for our lives.  The enemy loves to take trouble and use it to turn our faces from God.  The Lord longs for us in trouble to turn our faces toward him.  One way you are able to do so is to get into the Word and the Word into you so when trouble comes you have words that are going to hold you. It's a new normal we are shooting for in our family because of this journey.  

My normal right now is undefined.  

My trouble - this momentary trouble - is redefining me.  

These past few weeks:

1. I've been ALLOWED to care for Laura in ways I never have before. 
2. Our conversations have gone places they never would have without cancer or this journey we are on.
3. My kids have grown - they still struggle to pick-up after themselves.  Sometimes they are not always self-motivated.  They still fight with one another.  I have to prod them a bit to get moving or stay focused.  Yet, they have developed a depth they never had before all this surfaced in our lives. They ask deep and honest questions.  They are more open with their thoughts and feelings.  Their prayers, even Bella's, are going to deeper places.  We are seeing character forged in each one because of this time of trouble. 
4. My work has not consumed me.  As hard as it has been not to enter into work related conversations I have fought hard not to make such a move.  There have been some weak moments - but for the most part I have resisted the urge.  God, Self (if I'm not healthy nothing else will be), Wife, Kids, Friends, Work - this is the new normal I'm banking on - I'm learning.  
5. My personal time with the Lord has become richer.  Maybe it's because I know the Lord has been and is going before, beside and behind us each step of this journey.  

So, I have no idea what it would mean to get back to what was normal.  Such a normal is bound up in a picture album from a year ago.  There are times when those pictures create a longing to go back a bit.  I'm different from a year ago.  Laura is as well; however, we now have a new normal, and we live with a new reality the Lord is truly in control.  His plans are not our plans, but He does have a hope and and a future for us.  It may never involve cancer again.  It may.  Whatever it is, I know He will walk with me through it as it works its way through me.  I pray it becomes my new norm for the manner in which I approach trouble in my life.  

 

12 Ways to Love Your Wayward Child

Abraham Piper 

My son Abraham, who speaks from the wisdom of experience and Scripture, has written the article that follows. I read it with tears and laughter. It is so compelling that I asked him immediately if I could share it with the church and the wider Christian community. There is no greater joy than to see your children walking in the truth—and expressing it so well. The rest is Abraham's untouched. -John Piper

Many parents are brokenhearted and completely baffled by their unbelieving son or daughter. They have no clue why the child they raised well is making such awful, destructive decisions. I've never been one of these parents, but I have been one of these sons. Reflecting back on that experience, I offer these suggestions to help you reach out to your wayward child.

1. Point them to Christ.

Your rebellious child's real problem is not drugs or sex or cigarettes or pornography or laziness or crime or cussing or slovenliness or homosexuality or being in a punk rock band. The real problem is that they don't see Jesus clearly. The best thing you can do for them—and the only reason to do any of the following suggestions—is to show them Christ. It is not a simple or immediate process, but the sins in their life that distress you and destroy them will only begin to fade away when they see Jesus more like he actually is.

2. Pray.

Only God can save your son or daughter, so keep on asking that he will display himself to them in a way they can't resist worshiping him for.

3. Acknowledge that something is wrong.

If your daughter rejects Jesus, don't pretend everything is fine.

For every unbelieving child, the details will be different. Each one will require parents to reach out in unique ways. Never acceptable, however, is not reaching out at all. If your child is an unbeliever, don't ignore it. Holidays might be easier, but eternity won't be.

4. Don't expect them to be Christ-like.

If your son is not a Christian, he's not going to act like one.

You know that he has forsaken the faith, so don't expect him to live by the standards you raised him with. For example, you might be tempted to say, "I know you're struggling with believing in Jesus, but can't you at least admit that getting wasted every day is sin?"

If he's struggling to believe in Jesus, then there is very little significance in admitting that drunkenness is wrong. You want to protect him, yes. But his unbelief is the most dangerous problem—not partying. No matter how your child's unbelief exemplifies itself in his behavior, always be sure to focus more on the heart's sickness than its symptoms.

5. Welcome them home.

Because the deepest concern is not your child's actions, but his heart, don't create too many requirements for coming home. If he has any inkling to be with you, it is God giving you a chance to love him back to Jesus. Obviously there are some instances in which parents must give ultimatums: "Don't come to this house if you are..." But these will be rare. Don't lessen the likelihood of an opportunity to be with your child by too many rules.

If your daughter smells like weed or an ashtray, spray her jacket with Febreze and change the sheets when she leaves, but let her come home. If you find out she's pregnant, then buy her folic acid, take her to her twenty-week ultrasound, protect her from Planned Parenthood, and by all means let her come home. If your son is broke because he spent all the money you lent him on loose women and ritzy liquor, then forgive his debt as you've been forgiven, don't give him any more money, and let him come home. If he hasn't been around for a week and a half because he's been staying at his girlfriend's—or boyfriend's—apartment, plead with him not to go back, and let him come home.

6. Plead with them more than you rebuke them.

Be gentle in your disappointment.

What really concerns you is that your child is destroying herself, not that she's breaking rules. Treat her in a way that makes this clear. She probably knows—especially if she was raised as a Christian—that what she's doing is wrong. And she definitely knows you think it is. So she doesn't need this pointed out. She needs to see how you are going to react to her evil. Your gentle forbearance and sorrowful hope will show her that you really do trust Jesus.

Her conscience can condemn her by itself. Parents ought to stand kindly and firmly, always living in the hope that they want their child to return to.

7. Connect them to believers who have better access to them.

There are two kinds of access that you may not have to your child: geographical and relational. If your wayward son lives far away, try to find a solid believer in his area and ask him to contact your son. This may seem nosy or stupid or embarrassing to him, but it's worth it—especially if the believer you find can also relate to your son emotionally in a way you can't.

Relational distance will also be a side effect of your child leaving the faith, so your relationship will be tenuous and should be protected if at all possible. But hard rebuke is still necessary.

This is where another believer who has emotional access to your son may be very helpful. If there is a believer who your son trusts and perhaps even enjoys being around, then that believer has a platform to tell your son—in a way he may actually pay attention to—that he's being an idiot. This may sound harsh, but it's a news flash we all need from time to time, and people we trust are usually the only ones who can package a painful rebuke so that it is a gift to us.

A lot of rebellious kids would do well to hear that they're being fools—and it is rare that this can helpfully be pointed out by their parents—so try to keep other Christians in your kids lives.

8. Respect their friends.

Honor your wayward child in the same way you'd honor any other unbeliever. They may run with crowds you'd never consider talking to or even looking at, but they are your child's friends. Respect that—even if the relationship is founded on sin. They're bad for your son, yes. But he's bad for them, too. Nothing will be solved by making it perfectly evident that you don't like who he's hanging around with.

When your son shows up for a family birthday celebration with another girlfriend—one you've never seen before and probably won't see again—be hospitable. She's also someone's wayward child, and she needs Jesus, too.

9. Email them.

Praise God for technology that lets you stay in your kids' lives so easily!

When you read something in the Bible that encourages you and helps you love Jesus more, write it up in a couple lines and send it to your child. The best exhortation for them is positive examples of Christ's joy in your own life.

Don't stress out when you're composing these as if each one needs to be singularly powerful. Just whip them out one after another, and let the cumulative effect of your satisfaction in God gather up in your child's inbox. God's word is never proclaimed in vain.

10. Take them to lunch.

If possible, don't let your only interaction with your child be electronic. Get together with him face to face if you can. You may think this is stressful and uncomfortable, but trust me that it's far worse to be in the child's shoes—he is experiencing all the same discomfort, but compounded by guilt. So if he is willing to get together with you for lunch, praise God, and use the opportunity.

It will feel almost hypocritical to talk about his daily life, since what you really care about is his eternal life, but try to anyway. He needs to know you care about all of him. Then, before lunch is over, pray that the Lord will give you the gumption to ask about his soul. You don't know how he'll respond. Will he roll his eyes like you're an idiot? Will he get mad and leave? Or has God been working in him since you talked last? You don't know until you risk asking.

(Here's a note to parents of younger children: Set up regular times to go out to eat with your kids. Not only will this be valuable for its own sake, but also, if they ever enter a season of rebellion, the tradition of meeting with them will already be in place and it won't feel weird to ask them out to lunch. If a son has been eating out on Saturdays with his dad since he was a tot, it will be much harder for him later in life to say no to his father's invitation—even as a surly nineteen-year-old.)

11. Take an interest in their pursuits.

Odds are that if your daughter is purposefully rejecting Christ, then the way she spends her time will probably disappoint you. Nevertheless, find the value in her interests, if possible, and encourage her. You went to her school plays and soccer games when she was ten; what can you do now that she's twenty to show that you still really care about her interests?

Jesus spent time with tax collectors and prostitutes, and he wasn't even related to them. Imitate Christ by being the kind of parent who will put some earplugs in your pocket and head downtown to that dank little nightclub where your daughter's CD release show is. Encourage her and never stop praying that she will begin to use her gifts for Jesus' glory instead her own.

12. Point them to Christ.

This can't be over-stressed. It is the whole point. No strategy for reaching your son or daughter will have any lasting effect if the underlying goal isn't to help them know Jesus.

Jesus.

It's not so that they will be good kids again; it's not so that they'll get their hair cut and start taking showers; it's not so that they'll like classical music instead of deathcore; it's not so that you can stop being embarrassed at your weekly Bible study; it's not so that they'll vote conservative again by the next election; it's not even so that you can sleep at night, knowing they're not going to hell.

The only ultimate reason to pray for them, welcome them, plead with them, email them, eat with them, or take an interest in their interests is so that their eyes will be opened to Christ.

And not only is he the only point—he's the only hope. When they see the wonder of Jesus, satisfaction will be redefined. He will replace the pathetic vanity of the money, or the praise of man, or the high, or the orgasm that they are staking their eternities on right now. Only his grace can draw them from their perilous pursuits and bind them safely to himself—captive, but satisfied.

He will do this for many. Be faithful and don't give up.

© Desiring God. Website:www.desiringGod.org. Email:mail@desiringGod.org. Toll Free:1.888.346.4700

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HELD

This morning we started our day by reading Isaiah 40:10ff.

"See, the Sovereign Lord comes with power, and he rules with a mighty arm. See, his reward is with him, and his recompense accompanies him. He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart."

We have been blessed by the assurance we are truly in the palm of our Lord's hands. His strength has been evident through these months. We have been privileged to fully experience the gentleness of our Good Shepherd guiding and comforting us through the arms and hands of all who have reached out to us.

We rested well last night. Presently, Laura is in the care of a fantastic surgical team. Most of all, she is nestled in the arms of our Lord.

Thanks to all for your prayers and support these days and months.

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Lessons Gained

Tomorrow is surgery for Laura. Over the past six months she has demonstrated strength, grace, trust, but most of all a deep faith in the plan God has laid before us. I have been privileged to watch her dig deep into God's Word and find those nuggets of truth she has hung onto each step of the journey so far. As a result, my life has been enriched and my personal faith challenged by seeing her's grow.

We hold onto Isaiah 43:1-3 knowing the LORD our God is with us through the water and the fire. Lamentations 3:22-28 reminds us of how much we have been consumed by His love and care, but most of all the deep and abiding peace of His presence.

His plan has been good. Because of His great love we have not been consumed by the challenges, but have basked in the goodness of the Lord's compassion and faithfulness which have been poured out on us every morning.

Laura's faith has been steadfast. She has not wavered through the turbulence. Fear has been overcome by the truth of the Lord's deep love for her life.

Much has changed over the past several months in our lives and home, and we know God is not finished with us yet. The hardships He has led us into have rubbed some edges off us.

This time has served to sharpen us and soften us. In the hearts of our kids it has served to shape character as well as given them handles to hold onto in the future. Our marriage has gone places it never would have gone without the cancer.

We walk into this next phase knowing that God has been at work in all things and will continue to be as He forms us into the people He longs for us to be.

We are thankful for His grace! I am thankful for the common grace He has given me in my wife! Ron

Free Access

This weekend we focused our service on Hebrews 4:13-16.

^"Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.  Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess.   For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin.  Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."

The emphasis of the message revolved around the thought that Jesus came to experience what we experience.

• Jesus understands us.
• Jesus sympathizes with us. 
• Jesus invites us in.  

I am so thankful for the way in which the Lord is using our journey to guide my thoughts and direction for PCC, and especially our family.  He continues to show himself faithful and true every step of the way.

We ended the service with Laura sharing her story via video.

God's Amazing Timing

Each week I get asked multiple times to give an update of our current cancer ride.

For the most part all are doing well.  There have been some moments when things are bit emotional, but overall we are counting our blessings for the progress so far.  Based on the most recent MRI results as well as Dr. Gize's assessments it is clear that the therapy is doing it's deal along with the hand of God at work.  We are so thankful for all that has happened so far, and for the many ways God is blessing us.

Our chemo treatments have turned into opportunities to look beyond ourselves.  We have been privileged to arrive at the clinic only to find someone from Pathway showing up at the same time for their appointment.  This has allowed us time to not only catch up, but to encourage one another in our fight.  Each time I am reminded of God's perfect timing in all things. 

Over the past several weeks we have had the wonderful opportunity to meet for the first time, other couples from PCC who are on the same journey we are.  I find myself walking into each Monday with my eyes a little more open, and wondering who God will introduce us to that week. 

A couple weeks ago following one of those unusual moments Laura put up her hand, gave me a high-five and stated, "We have the best job ever!"   I echo her thoughts. 

It seems each encounter has given us added confidence as we walk with others with the hope we have in Christ Jesus.  Our sense of community is certainly expanding, as well as the common ground we now share with others.   We certainly don't celebrate the disease, and would prefer some other means for meeting people, but these divine appointments have opened our eyes to the various ways God is using this in our lives and with others. 

This past Saturday following service I popped into the benefit for ten-year-old Devon Grobaski.  I was so thankful for the remarkable number of people from PCC who showed their support.  Devon has a battle on his hands, but this little guy is walking through this with amazing strength and fortitude.  He's such an inspiration to so many.  Again, our hearts have become even more sensitive to such stories because of our story.

We know God will not waste our cancer, because we refuse to waste it.  We long to learn from it, grow from it, and gain a deeper level of trust through it.  We are different today then what we were several months ago, and I'm deeply thankful for such growth. 

The cancer certainly rearranges your life, but it is what it is.

Yet, God is using it to open our eyes to the wonder of His works and His timing in all things.  He is etching into the fabric of our lives a greater awareness of His amazing grace and goodness.  He is allowing our story to intersect with the stories of others, and hopefully to be a source of comfort to them along the way. 

So I end with Paul's words to the church in Corinth.  Words that have become incredibly personal and meaningful these days.  Words I've often taught, but can now apply in ways like never before. 

"All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ." - 2 Cor. 1:3-5

A Great Life!

Laura completed round four of her chemotherapy this past Monday.  We looked at this as a true milestone in her recovery knowing that these first four rounds can deliver a bit of a punch.  As the treatments progressed so did the physical and at times emotional impact of the drugs.  She continues to be tired, at times her moods can be a bit blue, and there have been some shivers in the night.  When I look into her face the weight loss is so apparent, and yet her drive continues to outperform her challenges.

The kids continue to make their way into her bed throughout the day.  I have caught glimpses of Dawson walking in, rubbing her head and giving her a kiss.  Sophia and Lydia love camping out with their books in tow, and either doing school work beside her or on the floor near her.  Bella is her own woman controlling every other space she wanders into. 

I can sense that the kids know we are in for a long road over the weeks and months.   They are learning to take on new responsibilities and I'm proud of the attitudes they tend to display on a fairly consistent manner.  We are truly blessed.

Tonight before Laura and I went to bed I stood over the sleeping bodies of my oldest girls and thanked the Lord for the character He is shaping in them.  I peeked in on Dawson and found myself deeply grateful for his kind and gentle spirit.  I then crawled into bed hoping I would crash quickly only to find myself listening to Laura sleep, or should I say "snor" - extremely honored to be her husband.  On my way down to write this post I opened Bella's bedroom door, and smiled that sleep had finally conquered her driving spirit.

I had a challenging and deeply painful day at work today.  Sometimes walking with people in the midst of their messes leaves one a bit weary.  It was good to go home and be immediately reminded of all the ways the Lord has poured out His goodness on my life even in the midst of our cancer journey. 

"I will praise the LORD all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live." - Ps. 146:1

Random Thoughts

Over the past several weeks we have adjusted considerably to this new journey God has us on.  Laura and I recognized early on that her diagnosis created a great deal of inner tension and chaos.  Emotions were raw, and all our questions seemed to lead into more questions rather than solid answers.  As the initial days unfolded and our medical course was set there was some settling that took place. We no longer questioned the extent of the cancer or the treatment plan.

Laura has done a fantastic job walking through her chemotherapy as well as sticking to a radically changed diet.  Her attitude is inspirational to me.  She does remain positive, but she has also been extremely open about her frustrations and inner turmoil.  There have been days when the best thing to do is stay in bed.  I have also witnessed those moments when the frustrations and reality that the cancer is not going away today or tomorrow evoke a great deal of emotion.  For both of us, the questions our kids continue to ask remind us that even though we may be settled in what we believe God is doing, they are not.

This week was our third treatment.  She was visibly and physically impacted in a much different way then the previous two.  She's a little more nauseous, a little shaky, and certainly tired and restless.  She has one more round of the strong treatments and then moves to the twelve weekly rounds.  We are having conversations about surgery.  The extent to which she desires to go and where to have it done.

I've been so grateful for the board of elders, and staff of PCC who have walked beside us with tremendous understanding and grace.  Being allowed flexibility to be home when I need to, as well as having a relief pitcher who steps into the teaching helm on the weeks during these initial four big treatments has been a tremendous blessing.  It's allowed me time to serve my wife and kids, and I have witnessed PCC being served as well as growing in ways it never would have without such an interruption in our plans.  We have been impacted by those who have taken time to cook a great meal, send a card of encouragement, sit with our kids so I can work, as well as clean the house at times when chaos rules.  Thank You! 

The cancer has caused us to adjust to a different schedule.  We cannot predict how Laura will react to the full scheme of the treatment plan.  At times the questions our kids ask still leave us a little rattled.  I still feel a little scattered, but then again that is pretty normal for me. 

Every so often someone will ask how school @ home is progressing.  To be honest it has been interrupted a bit, yet the kids are learning a great deal.   We are finally back on a daily routine of assigned work and additional responsibilities.  They are working hard on assignments and will jump into an ancient history project starting next week.  Lydia is going to focus on the process Egyptians used to mummified their dead.  Sophia is going to research and build a project around the sphinx of Egypt.  Dawson is still deciding.  We are all for our kids gaining academic knowledge, yet there are much deeper lessons to be learned through this journey.

The greater lessons our kids are learning focus more on how we as a family are walking through this season trusting in God's leading and plan.  This truly is the lesson for all of us.  My prayer is that each of our children will be able one day to pull from this experience a rich treasure of stronger character, as well as a depth of understanding the joys of serving those you deeply love.

It has been my pleasure to serve my wife.  To walk beside her in both the tender and tough times.  I am grateful for the depth of our love for each other and  the manner in which we have sensed God's gracious guidance along the way.  We are growing in unexpected ways due to the road God has us on.  The suffering, frustration, big questions from little minds is all for a purpose.  God is revealing treasures to us the can only be found in the darkness.

"In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.  These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.   Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy,   for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls."  1 Peter 1:6-9

Unexpected Ways

Saturday night we cut off Laura's hair.  Thanks to her brother John we were all able to gather together and watch as the hair fell.  I have to admit that I was quite uneasy with the thought of the event, but as the week progressed a peace came over both of us. 

What we thought would be a major move of emotion became a time to declare God's goodness.  As the hair was being cut Laura was talking about how good God has been to her.  "God has been so good to me through this entire cancer battle, and this is one more step toward the end."

We have started to look at the cancer as steps.  We know that in order for Laura to walk into her cure she will move through some very tough challenges.  Yet with every challenge conquered comes a much stronger Laura.  Dr. Gize remarked to me the other day that I have "one strong lady for a wife."  I already knew that, but it seems she is gaining more strength as the journey unfolds. 

The kids each processed the event in their own way, but in the end we were all laughing and once again felt calm and at peace.  The fun moment came when Bella was introduced to a bald momma.  "Where did all your hair go?" she asked.  What was truly funny was within a matter of seconds Laura stepped out of the bathroom with her wig on.  This really confused poor Bella a bunch.  It was pretty funny.

What I saw emerge was something of beauty.  Laura walked into the time ready.  The timing was right.  We had time to mentally prepare and the kids were with us in a safe place where we could all experience the moment in our own way.  Even more, Laura's brother John had the clippers.  Having his hands on Laura's head made her feel especially safe and secure. 

I wondered what Laura would look like bald.  Actually I was worried a bit.  I was concerned for her emotionally as well as the kids, and myself.

We laughed our way through it and as the hair fell a new image of my wife appeared.  It was truly something beautiful.  She was confident, strong, smiling, laughing and praising God all at the same time.  She was truly beautiful.  I have always felt this way, but there was something different about this moment. 

As we drove home Saturday night I realized that we had just lived through another "first" in our marriage.  This was truly a defining moment for us.  One I never hope to repeat again, but one that has marked us all. 

I am so thankful for God's sustaining grace He poured out in the moment and continues to this very day.

We are watching our kids grow in their dependence on the Lord.
We are watching our kids grow more tender to one another.
We are seeing ways God is demonstrating His kindness to us in ways we have never experienced before.

What I am realizing about our cancer journey is that the Lord is using it to open my eyes to what I have failed to see before.  I am witnessing the beauty of His grace emerge in unexpected ways.

Laura's last appointment with Dr. Gize went extremely well.  It appears the cancer is softening and her blood counts are stronger than before she started chemo.  Such results are unusual.  Hmmm. 

We count that another indication of the Lord's working in unexpected ways. 

Eph. 3:20 - Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work in us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!  Amen.  

Trusting in the Trials

This past week my heart was stirred by the story of Ruth and Boaz.  I have never preached Ruth, so digging deep into the text proved to be full and rich.  I am always so amazed at the brilliance of our God to place in our hands the accounts - not tales or stories - of those who have walked the road of suffering and discovered His steadfast presence all the way.  

In preparation for the message I read two books, which I highly recommend.  John Piper's book, entitled A Sweet and Bitter Providence,  and Ruth Uncensored by Jeff Ell.  They are relatively short books, and I believe the nuggets revealed will prove to be invaluable finds for any reader.   

Piper shares a story of a good friend of his who when faced with the birth of a son diagnosed with Autism and born blind found himself at odds with God.  After looking back over fourteen years he found himself thankful instead of resentful for what the Lord allowed him to encounter through the gift of his son.   

I came so close to using the letter on Sunday, but time simply did not allow for it.  It ministered greatly to me by providing another glimpse of perspective as face our daily challenges.    I trust it might shed a little light on your path as well.  

John Knight is a senior director at Desiring God. He has known what it is like to be treated as Naomi was and to respond the way Naomi did. He also gives us glimpse of how God mercifully and patiently leads his people out of the blindness of bitterness. The following was a birthday letter to his son Paul who is blind and autistic.

The 4^th of July is a different sort of “Independence Day” for me. On July 4, 1995, my multiply disabled son entered the world, and my life came crashing down around me-and would soon include a deep and intense bitterness toward God.

I never denied that God existed or is powerful; I concluded he was mean and capricious. But it also began God’s work of creating an affection for him and for the sufficiency of Jesus Christ. I am often astonished, when thinking back, that I am now able to praise God for his goodness in giving my son his autism and blindness.

None of this happened easily or by accident. I can point to five specific things that God brought to bear on my life:

1.      Faithful pastoral leadership. I can still remember Pastor Tom Steller…walking up my front steps with a note from Pastor John. And I remember sitting with and emailing Pastor David Michael. 

These men, with great courage and biblical conviction, entered into dangerous territory. My attorney, a man trained in conflict, said that my intensity and bitterness frightened him. But my pastors never wavered from bringing a message of hope an absolute certainty in the sovereignty and goodness of God, even when I pushed them away.

2.     Faith people of Bethlehem Baptist Church. Shortly after my son was born, we dropped everything at church-our small group, volunteering, Sunday school class, and attendance. One couple refused to let us go and loved us with a gracious, firm, consistent tenderness that made me want to understand how they could love someone like me, my wife, or my son so completely.

3.     A faithful father. My own father was the first person in the world to understand and communicate my son’s value and inherent worth as a creation of a good and loving God to me. Through 13 years, he has stood with me through much pain and sorrow – and joy.

4.     A faithful wife. My wife and I have not walked the same path; hers has been much harder than mine for many reasons. But by the grace of God, we are together, and I thank God every day for this woman whose spine is made of steel and who loves me and our four children.

5.     The sovereignty of God as revealed in his word. I remember a particularly heartbroken, bitter email I sent to Pastor John. He has every right to discipline me, but instead wrapped the words of the Bible around my heart. God used those words from the Bible, among many others, to create longings I didn’t have, to start a dead heart beating, and to reveal, when I was incapable of seeing, the beauty, sufficient, and majesty of Jesus Christ and his cross.

God has done it all, and it was his word that proved decisive.

Living with a boy, now a teenager no less, who will always be dependent on someone for all his needs is hard. I have a daily, often hourly, fight for joy in my salvation. Yet, through my oldest son’s daily care, through my youngest son’s premature birth, and now through my wife’s ongoing battle with metastatic cancer, God is not just sustaining me, but revealing more of his goodness because he is sovereign over all things, for his glory and my good.

So, on this Independence Day, I am grateful to Jesus for my real freedom in him and for giving me my boy to help me see it: So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed (John 8:36).  Happy Birthday, Paul.

We had a great weekend as a family.  We are celebrating that Laura's biopsy relating to her D and C came back benign, and the Thyroid appears to be the same.  

This week we enjoy a little peace before the second round of chemo on Monday. 

Thyroid Biopsy

Laura will have a fine needle biopsy administered tomorrow morning.  Looks like it will be a long morning undergoing what we thought would be a simple procedure.  Appears to be a little more complicated then what we anticipated. 

Pray for peace for her as she undergoes the procedure.  She is a little nervous about the uncertainty of the process. 

I realized the night we found out Laura had cancer that I was going to need some guidance in how we would walk through this. 

We were at a hotel in Lexington, Ky.  I was sitting on the bed in one room with Laura, and outside our door in the other room were our four kids. 

Fully aware that the cancer news was going to impact us all I decided to find a resource that might provide insight.   

I knew it would be a matter of days before we would walk into a surgeons office, and discover the scope of the cancer.  As a result life was about to get rearranged.  In addition to all of that, I had a 12, 10, 8, and 3 year-old that would need a bit of insight as well. 

I came across Marc Silver's book on Amazon.  I spent a little time looking at the reviews and purchased it that night for my Kindle.  It took me just a couple days to read it and what I discovered was tremendous insight for dealing with the bulk of the matters we have faced, and are going to face. 

You need this book if you are a husband who has a wife with breast cancer, and you are just beginning this journey.   I have always said that when you are in the midst of a crisis you need others to guide you through it.  Silver's book provides some of that clarity you will be looking for. 

Round One!

Laura started her chemotherapy this past Tuesday.  She has three more infusions which will take place every third week.  December 12th will be our next round.  Once she has completed these four rounds she will then have one injection for twelve weeks.  This should get us pretty close to May where there will be a slight resting period before the surgery.

The wait is still on for the biopsy results from the D and C that was performed a week ago last Friday.

The first round of chemotherapy was completed avoiding a great deal of complications.  Laura was tired most of the week.   She spent a lot of time in her pajamas, but was able to enjoy most of each day.  The nausea medication served its purpose and kept the edge off a bit.

We were reflecting that in one week she had surgery to put the port in, as well as a D and C.  She started chemotherapy, along with throwing a birthday party for Lydia, Thanksgiving at our home on Thursday, and a birthday party for Bella on Friday.  We also managed to get the Christmas tree and make an effort to put it up on Saturday.  It was too full of a week. 

Going to church on Sunday provided her with an added boost of energy from all the encouragement she received.  We are so blessed to be a part of such a great church.  Pathway has surrounded us with so much prayer and support.  It was great sitting with my wife, singing a few songs, and being inspired by the Word.  So rich.

Sunday afternoon a great deal of cramping set in.  Do you know there is a significant difference between stool softeners and laxatives?   If anyone ever needs to know the difference - simply give me a call.  I became somewhat of an expert in just a few short hours.  It really does make a difference how things come out in the end.  Ha!

Tomorrow we will make a final wig shopping run and without a doubt make a purchase.  I am not looking forward to the day when all her hair disappears, but I also know that my emotions pale in comparison to Laura's.  It simply will be another hurdle that we will get across - and cross together as a couple and a family.

On Wednesday she will have a fine needle biopsy to determine if a nodule on her thyroid is cancerous.  I have no doubt that she is at her limit begin poked.  My prayer is that we are at the end of the discovery phase. 

In this journey I am finding my eyes becoming so wide open to who my wife is.   I have always appreciated everything Laura has done to make the home function.  She is like so many moms who manage the order, keep the kids moving, and attempt to remain sane.  In addition, Laura has provided the oversight to their education, which does add a little more of a burden to the plate.

She is walking through this with such grace.  Her faithful witness before our kids is an education many little ones would never receive, and we have no doubt it's all for a reason.  She is diving into her bible every day - if not several times a day, and I can't wait to sneak a peek or two of what she is writing in her journal.   God's Word is even more alive and more active in such times like these. 

I have sensed the kids have felt a little disjointed these past few weeks.  We are working to reestablish a daily pattern and get life back to a normal routine.   What I have learned rather quickly is that I fully understand why God gave a man a work to do!  Enough said about that.  

We are trusting and doing our best not to allow "cancer" to consume us.  Laura's circle of friends is expanding and our hearts and eyes have become much more open to those who are on this journey with us, especially the families who are battling cancer as well.

One of those individuals is Devon Grabaski.  He is ten-years old and his dad Mike and mom Debra attend PCC.  Devon had a cancerous brain turmor removed several weeks ago.  He came to church Saturday night and I was blown away by his faith and strength.  Devon starts his first round of chemo tomorrow and I would like you to pray for him as well as encourage him.  His Caring Bride site is: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/devongrobaski

Go to it.  Write him a short note and let him know you are standing in the gap for him.

My nose is in the book of Ruth preparing to teach this weekend.  Again, the Word of God speaks with such conviction and clearly conveys that we serve a God who is fully engaged in every step of our life.  I am thankful His arms are strong enough, and hands are big enough to handle it all.

Ron - Isaiah 40:10-11

Thankful

 

11/24/11:  Thankful.

Thankful today to our Lord for taking us on a journey of deepening our faith and trust in Him. He holds true to His promises. We are experiencing daily the peace that He has so graciously poured out through His presence, power, and people who have surrounded us during this part of our journey.

"Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him." Ps. 34:8

Thankful today for how Bella is being used to increase our level of patience.  She is truly all consuming.  We are so grateful for the constant reminder of God's love for rescuing us as orphans and adopting us as His own. 

Thankful today for Sophia who is demonstrating to us how a sensitive faith reveals itself in hardship.

Thankful today for Lydia who turned 10 on Monday and shows us how to live life with spontaneity and full surrender.

Thankful today for the manner in which Dawson reflects tenderness and kindness to his mom in dad. 

Thankful today for my wife who lives what she says she believes.  She is demonstrating daily a deep and abiding faith in Jesus Christ with determination and conviction.    

Rest

11/22/11 : There’s a great line in Joshua that I came so close to teaching on this past Sunday.  It’s one of those lines in Scripture that speaks volumes especially when you are walking through the battle.

Joshua had conquered Jericho as well as the Northern and Southern kingdoms.  Thirty-one kings in all were defeated and I’m certain that the people of Israel felt great jubilation as well as exhaustion.  It’s then that Scripture records this one line: 

“Then the land had rest from war.” (Josh. 11:23) 

We learned at the onset of Laura’s diagnosis that the word “cancer” brings with it great emotion.  No matter how anchored you are there are certain words in this world that have the ability to shake you up.  Such words are disturbing, frightening, confusing and create inner turmoil.  They present you with uncertainty about the future and leave you spinning and at times feeling out of control. 

You find yourself suddenly in an unexpected battle with a known enemy, but the movement of where it’s advancing is so unclear. 

As a result you end up walking down roads that have not yet been created.  You begin to question, ponder and at times draw conclusions that may or may not transpire. You awfulize the future, and if you are not careful you end up becoming consumed with the unknown. 

Pastor Stan Buck who leads Sunrise at Aboite is walking through his own cancer battle with brain cancer.  He along with his family have been confronting their conflict with a deep seeded conviction and trust in the Lord.  He said something that Laura and I are holding onto these days. 

Cancer is a small “c”, but Christ is the capital “C”. 

In other words, the person, power, promises and presence of Christ trumps everything else.  Christ gives us hope and Christ leads us to, into and through the battles we fight.  He does not abandon us.  He does go before us.  He does fight for us.  He is there to intercede on our behalf and He leads us.  His words give us perspective and keeps us grounded.  The hope we have is anchored in Him and Him alone. 

Yesterday we went wig hunting. Several days back I thought it would be an emotional moment for us, but it wasn’t.  We made it a family experience, which allowed the kids the chance to vote their preference – and they did.  Together we came to the same conclusion of what looked great on Laura. 

As a dad I was so proud of my family yesterday.  We joked a bit about the wig and laughed a little.  I don’t know what Laura was feeling, but I felt a tinge of sadness.  Yet, there was a level of comfort about the moment for all of us.  They kids encouraged her and their optimism inspired us a bit.  Overall, it was a good day. 

We also had Laura’s ultrasound on her Thyroid yesterday.  I’m no radiologist so I’ll hold my thoughts on what I saw.  We both know there is something, but right now our concern and focus is on the breast cancer.  The Lord will guide us through that battle if it even exists. 

Today we walk through that unknown front of chemotherapy. 

We both slept with a sense of peace last night.  As a family we huddled in our bed last night and reflected on the story of Ruth.  We talked a bit about the way God provides for us.  Lydia prayed for mom and the chemo this morning that she would not get sick, but most of all she prayed for the Lord to heal her. 

Life is a series of battles: One battle after another.

Each day we seem to be finding a new and brighter perspective.  We are discovering peace in a profound way as well as the strength of Christ’s sufficient grace.  God is giving us rest.

We know that one day there will be “rest” in the land. 

Brad Krupp sent me a great note this morning laced with some incredible truth to hang onto this day.  He is leading our men’s group on Saturday mornings through Louie Giglio's Passion talks and he shared a few of his notes from the past few week's series on Hope.

When trouble comes, our anchor is the cross.  At the cross, God loves us most (1Jn4:7-12). At the cross, God shows us He always maintains control. At the cross, God shows us that He can use the worst for eternal good. At the cross, God shows us that He paints on a canvas bigger than we can see or understand (things didn't look so hot on Good Friday).  At the cross, God understands our pain.

When trouble comes, we are handed a megaphone.  We speak loudest to the world when we suffer, just as God spoke loudest at the cross. It is a megaphone for what we believe. Suffering is your servant, not you a servant of it.

What a great truth to hang onto today as we venture into our new front.

Guest Writer

This is Laura and I am hacking into my husband's blog!  Shhhh don't tell any one!  This morning I had my port put in and a D&C.  Everything went well and I am at home recovering today.  Life is good when your husband makes you lunch and your kids work on their school work around your bed!

Isaiah 40:31  "but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint."

Thanks so much for your prayers.  Day by day, trusting God,  Laura

Next Steps For Laura

Laura will have her port put in on Friday morning along with a D and C.  We are both ready to get moving with the next steps of her care and plan.

Facing Our Storm

11/15/11 – This was my last weekend on vacation from PCC so as a family we ventured out to a church north of FW that is led by a good friend.  We found ourselves engaged in the worship and listening intently to the message.

As always Laura took copious notes detailing every verse referenced and grabbing hold of those nuggets of truth designed to carry her through the day. 

We were both reminded in Luke 6:46-49 of the importance of building a strong and firm foundation so that when the storms come the house will stand. 

“”Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say?  I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice.  He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation of rock.  When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built.  But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation.  The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.”

Certainly our storm is upon us, and we are determined that the house will stand and the foundation will become even stronger through this. 

Over the years we have worked diligently both independently as well as a couple to build on a solid foundation.  Our marriage has been based on a covenant and not a contract.  We both committed to love, cherish, honor, remain faithful in richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, and to death do we part.  Neither one of us have ever questioned our vows or made light of them.  If anything, I believe we have worked extremely hard to honor our promises, and the cancer does not minimize our commitment, if anything it reinforces such promises. 

There have been some difficult times these past seventeen years when God took us through the fire to test us and refine us.  Some of those moments have revolved around ministry challenges, relational difficulties, or conflict.  We walked through some years of battling infertility, as well as the three-year wait for our China adoption process with Bella.  Each one of those events in our lives became opportunities for God to demonstrate the depth of His promises and character to us.  He has been faithful each step of the way. 

Now we face cancer and the battle does not include just Laura and I.  Our kids are very much a part of this battle.  They pray for mom’s healing.  Tonight they prayed for the doctors who are caring for mom, as well as the upcoming surgeries.  Together we prayed that we would not grow distant from God, but that He would use this to take us deeper and reveal the depth of His character to each one of us. 

Laura and I long to see our kids deeply impacted not only by our example, but also the example of those walking closely with us.  We want them to see the beauty of the church coming alive before their eyes.  We pray they will grow in their faith and understanding of the goodness of God in the midst of our suffering.  In no way do we want them to turn bitter, but for all of us to become better as a result of this. 

Our intent is for them to grapple with this. 

We are doing our best to field their challenging questions and we both know that once treatments begin and surgeries commence that the physical evidence of the cancer will become evident to them all.  This will be the time when the storm will potentially gain momentum and our home might feel a little more shaken.  We have no doubt deeper questions will surface, and as they do we are going to work extremely hard to drive our three inquisitive minds back to the truth of God’s Word and His Character. 

The cancer is compelling us (Laura and I) to go deeper in our faith in Christ.  It is not pushing us away or causing us to distance ourselves from Him. 

We are praying and longing for our children to experience the same.  So we are giving room for questions.  We are openly asking what each one of us are praying for as it relates to Laura and our family. Finally, we are praying opening and boldly that God would reveal Himself by addressing our prayers. 

Today was a great example of how this all come to fruition. 

I have not been to the office in three weeks and today we ventured into our all staff meeting.  Our leadership team is so strong at PCC and the depth of concern has impacted Laura and I deeply.  We brought the three oldest kids with us (Bella is so strongly opinionated these days that we felt it was best to find a safe place for her to play for a few hours – “thanks Jana Beck!”.)

Gordan facilitated the time by leading us in worship and then gathering the entire staff around us.  He directed the prayer time by placing a little oil on each of our heads.  When he came to Laura he was having a bit of a challenge getting the oil out of the small bottle he was using.   He shook it a bit resulting in most of the oil making its way onto Sophia’s arm and leg.   Her little arm was covered in oil!  It provided a very funny moment for all of us, and cut the edge a bit. 

Gordon did a fantastic job explaining that there is nothing magical in the oil for the kids, but that the Bible instructs those who are sick to allow the body of Christ to come around them, lay hands on them, anoint them with oil and pray. 

It was truly a tender time for all of us as the staff began to pray over each one of the kids by name and then Laura and I.  I have no doubt it etched a beautiful picture of the body of Christ in action in the minds of Dawson, Lydia and Sophia.   They will remember this moment forever, and the way in which God enters into our storms by surrounding us with those who deeply love and care for us. 

See, I am learning through this that when you come to God you have to take ALL of who He is and what He promises to do in our lives.  This includes storms that do come our way.  Storms not to destroy us, but to strengthen us.

The Next Course

We had our consult on Monday at IU Med.  The doctor was exceptional with Laura.  She did a biopsy on her lymph nodes and found that 2 maybe 3 had cancer.  The Pet Scan also lights up on her thyroid, but we are not making that the focus of the plan at this point.  It will have to biopsied in the near future.  If the thyroid has cancer it is unrelated to the breast cancer. 

The tumor is large - and the doctor believed that the best course of action is to do chemo first.  The purpose is to see if we can get the tumor reduced in size as well as see if the chemo is in fact working by looking more closely at the lymph nodes in question.  (Most women have the cancer and lymph-nodes removed and then start chemo, which leaves in question if the chemo is working.  By going this route first we are able to attack the cancer as well as any possible cells that have moved to other parts of her body.)

We met with our oncologist Tuesday and Laura will have a port placed in next week by our surgeon so she can begin the chemo.  

Laura will have surgery in the near future which will include a complete mastectomy with lymph nodes removed as well.  It will be followed up by reconstruction. 

We had a quiet and long drive home from, but the Lord continues to show us that we have met with the right people who have directed us to the right process of finding out good information.

We loved on our kids a bunch and we are ready to fight the battle that lies ahead.

• Pray that the chemo will do its job of attacking the cancer.
• Pray for Laura's body that it would not respond too negatively to the chemo.
• Pray for our kids as they begin to watch mom change a bit.  We are praying that God will use this hard time to strengthen their faith in Him as well as develop a deeper love and appreciation for each other. 
• Pray for Laura's complete healing.  We have a God who can and who does do mighty things.
• Pray that Laura and I will learn all the Lord wants to teach us through this journey.  We are holding on tight to His presence and promises.  We know He is leading and guiding and taking us through this so that our character will be refined to look a little bit more like Him. 

My intention is to finish off my vacation this week and then for us to see how the first round of chemo goes.  I am fully committed to walk with Laura through each phase of this including being present at every chemo and doctor appointment. 

Today Laura held onto Deut. 31:8 - "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you.  He will never leave you or forsake you.  Do not be afraid.  Do not be discouraged." 

We are holding fast to the goodness of our Lord.

Ron and Laura

God Walks Before Us

11/10/11: Yesterday morning we sat down with the kids for a little family devotional time.  My intention is to gather as a family on a daily basis to go over what lies ahead for the day, discuss assignments, remind them of chores, but most important to drive their hearts back into the Word.  Laura and I want our kids to grab hold fast to the truth and embrace the fullness of God’s promises. 

We both know that this is an extremely difficult time for all of us.  The two of us are grieving in our own private ways as well as what we are embracing together.  Our kids are also going through this, and each in their own way. 

Dawson is quiet in his expressions.  His questions are out of concern for mom’s well-being as well as desiring to understand the treatments and process of surgeries to come.  We have been forthright with him in all things sharing a lot of context but not a great deal of content. 

He gives us words of encouragement and physical affection.  He loves just being with us.  He has thanked me for cleaning the floor, fixing dinner, going on walks as a family.   He will come up beside us and lay his head on our shoulder and rub our back.  He has no idea what his presence means to both of us.  

Lydia has her moments but tends to move to the next thing pretty fast.  She really is our spider plant girl with extensions going everywhere.  Lydia loves to draw.   The other night she made a portrait of her mom.  It was lying at the top of the stairs when Laura and I came home.  It simply said – “The Best Mom Ever!”  Lydia is also keenly aware when one of us has been crying or our emotions have reached the surface. 

Sophia loves just being at home.  She is tender and kind, and yet very thoughtful and somewhat analytical.  There is a unique depth to her thoughts and questions and her mind is so sharp.  She memorizes so quickly and packs so much truth in her little mind. 

Her questions come randomly, as do the other two.  One of the most heart stirring questions came the other day when I was sitting at the table enjoying some of Laura’s Ezekiel Bread. 

“Dad, if you knew mom was going to die from the cancer would you tell us?” 

My head is already spinning from the news of the disease.  I’m ready for the easy questions, but this one pushed me back a bit. 

I sat for a moment and told her that we are going to do all we can while mom is going through this battle to keep life as normal as possible at our home. 

I asked her “who” ultimately knows when we are going to die?  “God’” she said. 

“That’s right, and none of us really know when we are going to die or what we will die of, but if the doctors ever tell mom or dad that one of us is going to die then we will certainly let all of you in on it.”

She seemed quite content with the answer. 

We know that questions are going to come our way.  We are also fully aware there will be some very challenging days before us.  Therefore, we want to be certain that we as a family have our anchors in place and continue to build our homes on the foundation of God’s truth found in His word.  We refuse to move our home to Sandyland. 

So the morning family meetings are critical.  Our intention is to do all we can to fill their minds with truth.  We know that there will be times when the lies of the evil one begin to sink into their little minds.  We desire that they grow-up through this and we know as they do that hard times are growing times. 

Aunt Sue bought verse journals for each child to hold onto and write verses that have meaning to them on its pages. 

Yesterday we started out with Deut. 31:8 – “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”  

This has become our family verse.  It was a verse I wrote down a few days after we learned of the cancer, and it pulled at Laura’s heartstrings as well.  One she too penned in her journal days after the diagnosis.  Neither one of us were aware about the personal impact of this gift of promise.    

I was asked the other day about the ways God has surprised me so far?  It was a great question. 

One of the ways is how God is speaking to Laura and I about the same things without either one of us talking about it.  When she told me that Deut. 31:8 was her verse I told her that the Lord had given it to me as well.  It simply confirms God’s place in all of this. 

So, we asked our kids to reflect a bit on the verse.  What does it mean?   They were quick to the punch. 

Lydia: “God is with us”

Sophia: “God will never leave us or forsake us.”

Dawson:  God goes before us.  He’s going to take us through hard times.” 

I asked Dawson to explain what the hard times are for.  “Why does God take us into and through hard times?”

“To change us,” he responded. 

“Right on.  To change us from the inside out.” 

God’s desire is that we would trust in him with all of our heart, soul and strength.  He is going to use Laura’s illness to shape in each one of us character that has yet to be revealed. 

We all know there will be hard days ahead for us.  There are so many unknowns with this diagnosis.  Such uncertainty can drive you a bit crazy, but we are holding fast to what is certain in our lives: God’s presence, God leading us, God taking us to and through this journey, God’s faithfulness, and His kindness in the midst of hard times. 

Today we will focus on Ephesians 3:20. 

”Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.”